做某事时的感觉已然消逝

一位30多岁的纽约犹太妇女在卧室里练习虐恋的艺术，并在工作和家庭中尝试驾驭支配与臣服的动态关系。

Got highly emotional towards the end of the film. Shed some tears I can’t really name.

Or I can. I sensed her creating connections with herself, with the outer. I can’t be sure which one came before and which one after.

Life’s repetitive and depressing just as it is for most people. Numbing oneself’s just the natural way to get by and the barriers b/w us and sensing own deepest needs as well as creating connections with others and the world have been there ever since (being a child?). A lot of times we know what we want on the surface, what cheers us up or satisfy us momentarily, just as an outcome or result (i.e., Ann’d like the bdsm relationship with men), not knowing the causes and the cure or I will say the truly soothing thing could be done toward it. First we knew the time for doing something has passed. Then we knew the feeling of regret and complaint has passed. So after that it just seems to be endless phase of numbness.

People don’t have a big enough motivation/ outer change to help facilitate the act of thinking it through or facing the truth. While the ‘transformation’ happens to the protagonist, it can almost be counted as a miracle in an ordinary person’s life. The ‘transformation’ that is subtle. The ‘transformation’ that is extraordinary. She created connections. Her true needs were seen and addressed by herself and others. She vocalised her needs to herself and others. Probably the connection with self was there, and she just needed somebody/ some incident to sparkle it. I’m not sure what’s the sequence b/w connecting with oneself and connecting with outer. But the ‘creating connection’ transformation just feels so authentic, truthful and resonating.